Faeces Remain Consistent

This afternoon I again took one of my just-come-home shits. This defecation event had a similar consistency and sponginess as the previous scatshot. However, it was closer to a liquid than a solid, almost liked greased-up congealing rice pudding. (Only, y'know, brown, germ-ridden, and stinky.)

I may sound quite disdainful towards liquishits. I suppose I oughtn't; they have a big advantage over hardcore chunkies and their firmer brethren. Even if the borderline diarrhoeic stuff comes out like rabbit shit, it comes out easy. That's a big thing for me. I do enjoy a good lengthy egestive session, getting more and more involved with the experience with each additional millimetre you tough it out. Regardless, there are some times when I'm in the mood to just shit as quickly as possible and get off the pot. This was one such occasion, and I'm glad that my faeces followed through.

Wipes required: approximately 6; 3 for the bulk and 3 for the remnants.
Food consumed prior to defecation:
LUNCH: chips (freedom fries to you Yanks); beefburgers
BREAKFAST: toast with Marmite

Evening Shit

Thank Christ; I didn't have to take this shit in a dingy public toilet. I'm lucky, see. I'm quite regular: approximately one shit per two days. I appreciate my digestive system greatly, since it's so important and probably the only thing that just works, no matter what I ingest.

In spite of being quite old, tonight's poop did not smell excessively pungent. It definitely had a smell (you don't want faeces without smell - it's not natural) but it was a typical low-level shit smell. Good. A little straining was necessary, and a few large chunks were probably left matted around my arsehairs, but all in all it was pretty good. The poo looked kind of fuzzy, as if watching it on TV with bad reception. Probably because it was fairly squishy, not brittle and not hard, but firm like a clay cast of a nigger's penis.

Wipes required: 4; 2 for the bulk and 2 for the smears.
Food consumed prior to defecation:
LUNCH: cafeteria ravioli and runner beans; lemonade; chocolate digestive biscuits (McVities' brand)
BREAKFAST: Malties (they're this sort of, you know, own brand Shreddies rip off. I think they're some kind of bran shit.)

Thatguy Syndrome

After a downright unpleasant experience earlier in the evening, I felt a "Rumble in the Bronx" coming on and walked, head hanging, to the water closet.

Immediately, the juxtaposition between this defecation and the short, hard one from earlier was evident. What was previously hard was soft; previously sharp, hollow; previously clean, messy. The time-old saying of "be careful what you wish for, for you just might get it" couldn't have been more a propos, as I was blighted with a temporary bout of diarrhoea.

This was a six-wiper, not necessarily a personal record but quite the stunning reversal of misfortune. The post-defecation inspection was rather a let-down, as all that could be inspected (aside from the soiled toilet paper and a random undigested red pepper skin) was a yellow-brown cloud of liquid feces.

Compounding the issue further was the non-cooperation of the toilet in removing the abomination from my home. Though the toilet did drain, the tank had somehow not refilled the last time, so the bowl had low tide all around; some toilet paper returned from "'round-the-bend", bobbing in the waves, taunting me with its stain.

All in all, a severe let-down. Hopefully tomorrow, or the day thereafter, is better.

I tried

Upon being accepted as a writer for the pooblog, I felt I should try to contribute something immediately. Though the urge was not intense, I had a gut feeling I could manage something, and I descended to the downstairs commode. Sadly, all I could force was a little gas and some dry heaves. Let my failure serve as a warning to all those with the hubris to claim they have complete control of their bowel.

Not pleasant

My anguished pushes were punctuated by hard, dark turds hitting the water's surface with a loud, tinny *plonk*. The only positive I could find out of the whole affair was the aftermath only required one wipe.

First Poost

Last night I took a surprisingly lengthy shit at work.

I was working late, having produced a live evening show, and decided to put the icing on the cake by producing something of my own. I expected it to be a quick "slider", having felt only the slightest pressure in my intestines, but boy was I in for a pleasant surprise!

It started as predicted - a long, sleek snake was charmed out of its basket by the soothing dull echo of public washroom acoustics. It danced hypnotically before finding its slumber in its porcelain waterbed.

Suddenly, it was joined by friends from its erstwhile home. Were they spawn, from their now absent mother? Or brothers-in-arms, which never leave a fallen foe behind?

Regardless of their perogative, it was quite the pleasant crap. A consistent texture and colour throughout, from the initial turtlehead of the primary log to the closing pinch of the waning tube.