Pain in the arse

When I sat down to take a shit this evening, I was worried by a persistent pain that felt located approximately an inch above the top end of my buttock crack. The sensation was like that of tearing, of tissue being repeatedly twisted and rended apart. It was moderately painful, but did not impede my excretion in any way. As such, I can only assume that it was an unimportant and transient pain.

My point is this: never understimate the importance of warming up before taking a protracted shit.

Another nice surpise

At work I had to hold it in for four hours. When it finally came out, it slid out like a hand out of a bloody glove. Plop plop plop. A nice long shit; solid, brown logs; a pleasurable feeling of emptiness throughout the large intestine post-defecation.

Shitting @ school

Since you can't realistically defacate in a urinal, I chose a cubicle. The cubicle was small, approximately two and half feet square. Luckily, there was a coat hook. The toilet seat was damp in places, probably from some retarded 12 year old's missprayed urine. Fuck that shit; I double papered the seat.

By carefully placing a poo basket in the toilet, my now-firm shitlog landed softly in the water with hardly a sound (just the typical sound of shit bouncing on wood pulp) and without treating me to a dose of splashback. It had a nice consistency, but still took a long while to push out due to its length and near-continuous nature - two big chunks. I wiped approximately seven times in both directions but the brown streaks refused to diminish. I resigned myself to some tiny skid marks.

Food consumed prior to defecation:
LUNCH: potatoes
BREAKFAST: baked beans; two frankfurters; toast

The long brown log of pleasure

Dateline: Work.

Made a log so large that it stuck out of the water like the sinking Titanic, rudder exposed and all. It was followed by a sinker that was smaller, but just as eye-popping in proportion. Both were the same vibrant, rich brown colour that was borderline tear-evoking.

However, my wipes were light brown, almost orange. Strange. Maybe these faecal leavings were bred in an orange cocoon that was shed by my sphincter; who knows?